FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:	#4

Weddings:
	When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Clothes:
	Men don't discard clothes.  The average man still has the gym shirt
he wore in high school.  He thinks a jacket is "just getting broken in" about
the time it develops holes in the elbows.  A man will let new shirts sit on
the shelf in their original packaging for a couple of years before putting
them to use, hoping they'll become more comfortable with age.
	Women think clothes are radioactive, with a half-life of one year.
They exercise precautions to avoid contamination by last year's fashions.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:	#5

Trust:
	The average woman would really like to be told if her mate is fooling
around behind her back.  This same woman wouldn't tell her best friend if
she knew the best friends' mate was having an affair.  She'll tell all her
OTHER friends, however.  The average man won't say anything if he knows that
one of his friend's mates is fooling around, and he'd rather not know if
his mate is having an affair either, out of fear that it might be with one
of his friends.  He will tell all his friends about his own affairs, though,
so they can be ready if he needs an alibi.

Driving:

	A typical man thinks he's Mario Andretti as soon as he slips behind
the wheel of his car.  The fact that it's an 8-year-old Honda doesn't keep
him from trying to out-accelerate the guy in the Porsche who's attempting
to cut him off; freeway on-ramps are exciting challenges to see who has The
Right Stuff on the morning commute.  Does he or doesn't he?  Only his body
shop knows for sure.  Insurance companies understand this behavior, and
price their policies accordingly.
	A woman will slow down to let a car merge in front of her, and get
rear-ended by another woman who was busy adding the finishing touches to
her makeup.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:	#6

Bathrooms:
	A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.  A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:
	A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store
and buys these things.  A man waits 'til the only items left in his fridge
are half a lime and a Blue Ribbon.  Then he goes grocery shopping.  He buys
everything that looks good.  By the time a man reaches the checkout counter,
his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.
Of course, this will not stop him from entering the 10-items-or-less lane.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:	#8

Going Out:
	When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go
out.  When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready
to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup,
checks on the kids, makes a phone call to her best friend...

Cats:
	Women love cats.  Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.

Offspring:
	Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends
and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.  Men are vaguely
aware of some short people living in the house.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:	#9

Laundry:
	Women do laundry every couple of days.  A man will wear every article
of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight
years ago, before he will do his laundry.  When he is finally out of clothes,
he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain
of clothes to the laundromat.  Men always expect to meet beautiful women at
the laundromat.  This is a myth.

Nicknames:
	If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch,
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.  But if
Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

Socks:
	Men wear sensible socks.  They wear standard white sweatsocks.
Women wear strange socks.  They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures
of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #10

CARTABLANCA:
	Bogart stars as the owner of a North African nightclub that sells
	only Mexican beer.  Of course, this policy gets him into no end of
	trouble with the local French authorities who would really prefer
	wine and the occupying Germans who believe that only their beer is
	fit to be sold.  Wacky events ensue until the gripping climax in
	which the much-hated German beer distributor is drowned in a vat.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #11

MONOPOLI:
	Peter Weir's classic film examining the false heroism of parlour
	games.  The powerful ending of the film sees one young man after
	another charge toward GO, only to senselessly lose his life on the
	Boardwalk property.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #12

O.E.D.:				David Lean, 1969, 3 hours 30 min.

	Lean's version of the Oxford Dictionary has been accused of
	shallowness in its treatment of a complete work.  Omar Sharif
	tends to overact as aardvark, but Alec Guinness is solid in
	the role of abbacy.  As usual, the photography is stunning.
	With Julie Christie.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #3

MIRACLE ON 42ND STREET:
	Santa Claus, in the off season, follows his heart's desire and
	tries to make it big on Broadway.  Santa sings and dances his way
	into your heart.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #4

WITLESS:
	Peter Weir directs Sylvester Stallone in the most challenging role
	of his career.  Stallone plays a Philadelphia police officer on the
	run from corrupt officials.  He is wounded and then nursed back to
	health by Amish Mennonites.  Fearful that they might unwittingly
	reveal his hiding place, he blows them all away.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #5

THE ATOMIC GRANDMOTHER:
	This humorous but heart-warming story tells of an elderly woman
	forced to work at a nuclear power plant in order to help the family
	make ends meet.  At night, granny sits on the porch, tells tales
	of her colorful past, and the family uses her to cook barbecues
	and to power small electrical appliances.  Maureen Stapleton gives
	a glowing performance.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #6

RAZORBACK:			Paul Harbride, 1984, 2 hours 25 min.
	One of the great Australian films of the early 1980's,
	and arguably the best movie ever made about a large,
	man-eating hog.  Some violence.  With Gregory Harrison.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #7

OUT OF "OUT OF AFRICA":
	This film is a compilation of selected news clips depicting audiences
	frantically pushing and shoving to get out of theatres where "Out of
	Africa" is showing.  Many people are trampled to death in the frenzy.
	Due to its violence and offensive language, not recommended for
	younger viewers.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #8

THE SMURFS AND THE CUISINART (1986)
	The lovable little blue Smurfs encounter a lovable little kitchen
	appliance, which invites them to play.  The Smurfs learn a valuable
	(if sometimes fatal) lesson.

THE SMURFS AND THE CARBON-DIOXIDE INDUSTRIAL LASER (1987)
	The inevitable sequel.  The lovable and somewhat mangled surviving
	Smurfs team up with the Care Bears to encounter a cute, lovable piece
	of high-tech welding equipment, which teaches them the magic of
	becoming rather greasy smoke.  Heartwarming fun for the entire family.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #9

THE PARKING PROBLEM IN PARIS:	Jean-Luc Godard, 1971, 7 hours 18 min.

	Godard's meditation on the topic has been described as
	everything from "timeless" to "endless."  (Remade by Gene
	Wilder as NO PLACE TO PARK.)

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:

It is a rule of evidence deduced from the experience of mankind and
supported by reason and authority that positive testimony is entitled to
more weight than negative testimony, but by the latter term is meant
negative testimony in its true sense and not positive evidence of a
negative, because testimony in support of a negative may be as positive
as that in support of an affirmative.
		-- 254 Pac. Rep. 472

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:

We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be
left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it
seems to us that someone has been very careless.
		-- 78 So. 365

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:

We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch"
may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine
species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used when applied to a female
of the human race. Coming as it did, reasonably close on the heels of two
revolver shots directed at the person of whom it was probably used, we think
it carries every reasonable implication of ill-will toward that person.
		-- Smith v. Moran, 193 N.E. 2d 466

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:	#1

Skilled oral communicator:
	Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak.  Talks to self.
	Argues with self.  Loses these arguments.

Skilled written communicator:
	Scribbles well.  Memos are invariable illegible, except for
	the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.

Growth potential:
	With proper guidance, periodic counseling, and remedial training,
	the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
	the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.

Key company figure:
	Serves as the perfect counter example.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:	#4

Consistent:
	Reviewee hasn't gotten anything right yet, and it is anticipated
	that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.

An excellent sounding board:
	Present reviewee with any number of alternatives, and implement
	them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.

A planner and organizer:
	Usually manages to put on socks before shoes.  Can match the
	animal tags on his clothing.