FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31

A:	Chicken Teriyaki.
Q:	What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4

A:	Go west, young man, go west!
Q:	What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #5

A:	The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
Q:	Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.

FORTUNE REMEMBERS THE GREAT MOTHERS: #5

	"And, and, and, and, but, but, but, but!"
		-- Mrs. Janice Markowsky, April 8, 1965

FORTUNE REMEMBERS THE GREAT MOTHERS: #6

	"Johnny, if you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me!"
		-- Mrs. Emily Barstow, June 16, 1954

Fortune suggests uses for YOUR favorite UNIX commands!

Try:
	ar t "God"
	drink < bottle; opener			(Bourne Shell)
	cat "food in tin cans"			(all but 4.[23]BSD)
	Hey UNIX!  Got a match?			(V6 or C shell)
	mkdir matter; cat > matter		(Bourne Shell)
	rm God
	man: Why did you get a divorce?		(C shell)
	date me					(anything up to 4.3BSD)
	make "heads or tails of all this"
	who is smart
						(C shell)
	If I had a ) for every dollar of the national debt, what would I have?
	sleep with me				(anything up to 4.3BSD)

Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, and have a nice day!
		-- Bryce Nesbitt '84

Fortune's Contribution of the Month to the Animal Rights Debate:

	I'll stay out of animals' way if they'll stay out of mine.
	"Hey you, get off my plate"
		-- Roger Midnight

Fortune's current rates:

	Answers				.10
	Long answers			.25
	Answers requiring thought	.50
	Correct answers			$1.00

	Dumb looks are still free.

Fortune's diet truths:
1:  Forget what the cookbooks say, plain yogurt tastes nothing like sour cream.
2:  Any recipe calling for soybeans tastes like mud.
3:  Carob is not an acceptable substitute for chocolate.  In fact, carob is not
    an acceptable substitute for anything, except, perhaps, brown shoe polish.
4:  There is no such thing as a "fun salad."  So let's stop pretending and see
    salads for what they are:  God's punishment for being fat.
5:  Fruit salad without maraschino cherries and marshmallows is about as
    appealing as tepid beer.
6:  A world lacking gravy is a tragic place!
7:  You should immediately pass up any recipes entitled "luscious and
    low-cal."  Also skip dishes featuring "lively liver."  They aren't and
    it isn't.
8:  Wearing a blindfold often makes many diet foods more palatable.
9:  Fresh fruit is not dessert.  CAKE is dessert!
10: Okra tastes slightly worse than its name implies.
11: A plain baked potato isn't worth the effort involved in chewing and
    swallowing.

Fortune's Exercising Truths:

1:  Richard Simmons gets paid to exercise like a lunatic.  You don't.
2.  Aerobic exercises stimulate and speed up the heart.  So do heart attacks.
3.  Exercising around small children can scar them emotionally for life.
4.  Sweating like a pig and gasping for breath is not refreshing.
5.  No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done
    quietly at your desk at work.  People will suspect manic tendencies as
    you twitter around in your chair.
6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys most is tripping joggers.
7.  Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around
    for an hour smashing a little rubber ball -- and each other -- with a hard
    racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity.
8.  Fifty push-ups, followed by thirty sit-ups, followed by ten chin-ups,
    followed by one throw-up.
9.  Any activity that can't be done while smoking should be avoided.

FORTUNE'S FAVORITE RECIPES: #8
	Christmas Rum Cake

1 or 2 quarts rum		1 tbsp. baking powder
1 cup butter			1 tsp. soda
1 tsp. sugar			1 tbsp. lemon juice
2 large eggs			2 cups brown sugar
2 cups dried assorted fruit	3 cups chopped English walnuts

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality.  Good, isn't it?  Now
select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.  Check the rum again.  It
must be just right.  Be sure the rum is of the highest quality.  Pour one cup
of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.  Repeat. With an electric
mixer, beat one cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 seaspoon of tugar
and beat again.  Meanwhile, make sure the rum teh absolutely highest quality.
Sample another cup.  Open second quart as necessary.  Add 2 orge laggs, 2 cups
of fried druit and beat untill high.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaters, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.  Sample the rum again, checking
for toncisticity.  Next sift 3 cups of baking powder, a pinch of rum, a
seaspoon of toda and a cup of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter).
Sample some more.  Sift 912 pint of lemon juice.  Fold in schopped butter and
strained chups.  Add bablespoon of brown gugar, or whatever color you have.
Mix mell.  Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees and rake until
poothtick comes out crean.

Fortune's Fictitious Country Song Title of the Week:
	"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#1
	A guinea pig is not from Guinea but a rodent from South America.
	A firefly is not a fly, but a beetle.
	A giant panda bear is really a member of the raccoon family.
	A black panther is really a leopard that has a solid black coat
	    rather than a spotted one.
	Peanuts are not really nuts.  The majority of nuts grow on trees
		while peanuts grow underground.  They are classified as a
		legume-part of the pea family.
	A cucumber is not a vegetable but a fruit.

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#14
	The Baby Ruth candy bar was not named after George Herman "The Babe"
Ruth, but after the oldest daughter of President Grover Cleveland.

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#37
	Can you name the seven seas?
		Antarctic, Arctic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian,
		North Pacific, South Pacific.
	Can you name the seven dwarfs from Snow White?
		Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Bashful.

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL:		#44
	Zebra's are colored with dark stripes on a light background.

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #108

In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless
there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red
flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #14
	According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath
at least once a year.

FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #16

The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River
can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.