George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to
have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
		-- Ashley Cooper

George's friend Sam had a dog who could recite the Gettysburg Address.  "Let
me buy him from you," pleaded George after a demonstration.
	"Okay," agreed Sam.  "All he knows is that Lincoln speech anyway."
	At his company's Fourth of July picnic, George brought his new pet
and announced that the animal could recite the entire Gettysburg Address.
No one believed him, and they proceeded to place bets against the dog.
George quieted the crowd and said, "Now we'll begin!"  Then he looked at
the dog.  The dog looked back.  No sound.  "Come on, boy, do your stuff."
Nothing.  A disappointed George took his dog and went home.
	"Why did you embarrass me like that in front of everybody?" George
yelled at the dog.  "Do you realize how much money you lost me?"
	"Don't be silly, George," replied the dog.  "Think of the odds we're
gonna get on Labor Day."

(German philosopher) Georg Wilhelm Hegel, on his deathbed, complained, "Only
one man ever understood me."  He fell silent for a while and then added,
"And he didn't understand me."

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
	1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
	2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
	3) The energy required to change either one of these states
	   will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
	   much as to make the task totally impossible.

Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.

Get in touch with your feelings of hostility against the dying light.
		-- Dylan Thomas

Get Revenge!  Live long enough to be a problem for your children!

Getting into trouble is easy.
		-- D. Winkel and F. Prosser

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked
out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.
		-- Melvin Belli on the occasion of his getting kicked out
		   of the American Bar Association

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

Corollary:
	Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.

Gibson's Springtime Song (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"):

'Tis the season to chase mousies (Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Snatch them from their little housies (...)
First we chase them 'round the field (...)
Then we have them for a meal (...)

Toss them here and catch them there (...)
See them flying through the air (...)
Watch them fly and hear them squeal (...)
Falling mice have great appeal (...)

See the hunter stretched before us (...)
He's chased the mice in field and forest (...)
Watch him clean his long white whiskers (...)
Of the blood of little critters (...)

Gilbert's Discovery:
	Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces
	sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.

Gil-galad was an Elven-King
of him the harpers sadly sing;
the last whose realm was fair and free
between the Mountains and the Sea.

His sword was long, his lance was keen,
his shining helm afar was seen;
the countless stars of heaven's field
were mirrored in his silver shield.

But long ago he rode away,
and where he dwelleth none can say;
for into darkness fell his star
in Mordor where the shadows are.

Ginger Snap

Ginsberg's Theorem:
	1. You can't win.
	2. You can't break even.
	3. You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
	Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
	meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
	Theorem.  To wit:

	1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
	2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
	3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Ginsburg's Law:
	At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
	big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.

GIVE:	Support the helpless victims of computer error.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner.
		-- Calvin Keegan