	ANIME CHARACTERS DATABASE
	The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya - Episode 1

Episode Replay

Episode Transcript | Select another

▶ START | STOP

Kyon : Asking someone how long they believed in Santa Claus...	(0:00:03.14)
Kyon : ...is so meaningless that it couldn't even serve as worthless gossip...	(0:00:06.65)
Kyon : Regardless, if you're going to ask me how much of my childhood I spent believing in an old man in a red suit...	(0:00:10.69)
Kyon : ...I can confidently say that...	(0:00:15.70)
Kyon : ...I never believed in him in the first place.	(0:00:17.24)
Kyon : I knew that the Santa at the preschool Christmas event was just a fake.	(0:00:20.79)
Kyon : And I didn't even have to see Mommy kissing Santa Claus...	(0:00:25.54)
Kyon : I suppose I was just a precocious child who questioned the existence of an old man who only worked on Christmas.	(0:00:29.34)
Kyon : At any rate...	(0:00:34.34)
Kyon : Be it aliens, time travelers, ghosts, demons, espers...	(0:00:35.05)
Kyon : ...or evil organizations and the heroes out of anime or comic books who battle them...	(0:00:38.39)
Kyon : I didn't realize that they weren't real until some time later.	(0:00:42.56)
Kyon : No. I had probably already realized the truth.	(0:00:47.40)
Kyon : I just didn't want to admit it.	(0:00:49.40)
Kyon : Deep in my heart, I wished that aliens, time travelers, ghosts, demons, espers...	(0:00:51.65)
Kyon : ...or evil organizations might pop up in front of me.	(0:00:56.11)
Kyon : However, reality is rather cruel!	(0:00:59.99)
Kyon : One must admire how well the laws of physics were written.	(0:01:03.00)
Kyon : At some point, I stopped being glued to TV UFO specials and programs on psychics.	(0:01:06.21)
Kyon : Aliens. Time travelers. Espers.	(0:01:10.54)
Kyon : None of those could possibly exist.	(0:01:12.80)
Kyon : Though I kind of wish they did...	(0:01:14.01)
Kyon : So I suppose my ability to hold convictions while accepting reality is a sign that I've matured.	(0:01:16.09)
Kyon : As I graduated from middle school...	(0:01:24.02)
Kyon : ...I also graduated from those childish dreams...	(0:01:25.93)
Kyon : ...and became accustomed to the routine of this world.	(0:01:28.77)
Kyon : And so I entered high school with no particular vision in mind...	(0:01:31.36)
Kyon : I hope to have a good year with everyone.	(0:01:31.77)
Kyon : ...and met her.	(0:01:34.07)
Haruhi Suzumiya : From East Middle School.	(0:01:39.45)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Suzumiya Haruhi.	(0:01:40.74)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I have no interest in ordinary humans.	(0:01:42.53)
Haruhi Suzumiya : If there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders, or espers here...	(0:01:44.91)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...come join me.	(0:01:50.38)
Haruhi Suzumiya : That is all!	(0:01:52.17)
Kyon : Are we supposed to laugh?	(0:01:55.59)
Kyon : A striking beauty stood before me.	(0:01:59.43)
Okabe : Uh, whoever's next.	(0:02:12.82)
Kyon : Most people would think that she was just joking.	(0:02:13.94)
Taniguchi : From East Middle School.	(0:02:14.61)
Taniguchi : I'm Taniguchi.	(0:02:15.73)
Kyon : In hindsight, that was neither a joke nor a laughing matter.	(0:02:16.69)
Kyon : Haruhi was always dead serious.	(0:02:20.20)
Kyon : And so we met.	(0:02:23.49)
Kyon : I deeply hope that...	(0:02:25.83)
Kyon : ...I can believe it was mere coincidence.	(0:02:27.12)
Kyon : As long as Suzumiya Haruhi was sitting still with her mouth shut...	(0:04:01.80)
Kyon : ...one would believe that she was just a beautiful high schooler.	(0:04:05.89)
Kyon : And since my seat just happened to be located right in front of hers...	(0:04:08.51)
Kyon : ...I figured it might be acceptable to approach her...	(0:04:11.43)
Kyon : You can't blame me for losing my mind for a moment.	(0:04:13.60)
Kyon : Hey.	(0:04:17.65)
Kyon : About the stuff in that introduction earlier...	(0:04:18.52)
Kyon : How much of it was serious?	(0:04:20.44)
Haruhi Suzumiya : What stuff earlier?	(0:04:23.49)
Kyon : The stuff about aliens and whatnot.	(0:04:25.24)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Are you an alien?	(0:04:27.87)
Kyon : No, but...	(0:04:29.33)
Haruhi Suzumiya : No, but what?	(0:04:30.54)
Kyon : No, forget it.	(0:04:32.62)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Then don't talk to me.	(0:04:34.29)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It's a waste of time.	(0:04:35.92)
Taniguchi : Don't mind her!	(0:04:42.01)
Kyon : I didn't learn until later on...	(0:04:43.59)
Kyon : ...that they were all from the same middle school as Haruhi.	(0:04:45.51)
Taniguchi : If you're interested in her...	(0:04:49.05)
Taniguchi : ...I won't mince words.	(0:04:50.93)
Taniguchi : Give up on it.	(0:04:52.31)
Taniguchi : I know. I was in the same class as her for three years in middle school.	(0:04:54.14)
Taniguchi : Her queerness takes a path unlike anything you've seen.	(0:04:58.69)
Kunikida : You mean her introduction?	(0:05:01.36)
Taniguchi : Yep.	(0:05:02.78)
Taniguchi : She did a bunch of strange things back in middle school, too.	(0:05:03.69)
Taniguchi : The most famous one would be the campus grounds graffiti incident.	(0:05:07.70)
Kyon : What's that?	(0:05:10.12)
Taniguchi : There's this device that uses lime to draw white lines, right?	(0:05:11.41)
Taniguchi : What was it called again...	(0:05:14.00)
Taniguchi : Whatever.	(0:05:15.58)
Taniguchi : Someone used that to draw some huge pictograph on the grounds.	(0:05:16.46)
Taniguchi : And it was secretly done at night.	(0:05:20.34)
Kunikida : I remember seeing that.	(0:05:23.34)
Kunikida : Wasn't that in the local section of the newspaper?	(0:05:25.34)
Kunikida : It looked like a failed attempt at a Nazca etching.	(0:05:28.22)
Kyon : And she was the one who did it?	(0:05:31.51)
Taniguchi : She said so herself, so it's gotta be her.	(0:05:34.22)
Taniguchi : One morning, we showed up at the classroom to find all the desks out in the hall.	(0:05:37.19)
Taniguchi : She drew stars on the roof in paint...	(0:05:41.52)
Taniguchi : She even stuck a bunch of talismans all around school.	(0:05:44.11)
Kyon : What is she doing?	(0:05:45.11)
Taniguchi : Like the ones they use to reanimate corpses.	(0:05:47.61)
Taniguchi : No idea what for.	(0:05:50.32)
Taniguchi : Even so, she's pretty popular.	(0:05:52.33)
Taniguchi : Since she does have looks.	(0:05:54.91)
Taniguchi : And then she's athletic and probably gets better grades than most.	(0:05:57.37)
Taniguchi : You can't tell she's a freak when she's just standing there.	(0:06:01.42)
Kunikida : Are there any stories about that?	(0:06:05.01)
Taniguchi : For a while, she kept going from one to another.	(0:06:07.17)
Taniguchi : As far as I know, the longest lasted a week...	(0:06:09.80)
Taniguchi : ...and apparently the shortest was five minutes after she agreed to go out with him.	(0:06:13.31)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I don't have time to deal with ordinary humans!	(0:06:19.31)
Taniguchi : Then don't agree to go out in the first place...	(0:06:21.77)
Taniguchi : It's just a story I heard!	(0:06:25.78)
Taniguchi : Really.	(0:06:27.07)
Taniguchi : I don't know why, but apparently she doesn't turn anyone down.	(0:06:28.03)
Taniguchi : That's why I'm warning you before you get any weird ideas.	(0:06:31.91)
Taniguchi : Give it up.	(0:06:36.20)
Kyon : There's nothing to give up on.	(0:06:37.41)
Kyon : I'm not even interested.	(0:06:38.87)
Taniguchi : Personally, I'd say...	(0:06:43.29)
Taniguchi : ...the best one in the class is her.	(0:06:45.13)
Taniguchi : Asakura Ryoko.	(0:06:49.30)
Taniguchi : She's gotta be in the top three for our year.	(0:06:51.09)
Kyon : Did you check out all the first-year girls or something?	(0:06:54.68)
Taniguchi : Oh, yeah!	(0:06:58.02)
Taniguchi : I assigned them ranks from A to D...	(0:06:59.23)
Taniguchi : ...and I learned the full names of the ones who ranked A.	(0:07:01.23)
Kunikida : And Asakura-san is an A?	(0:07:04.31)
Taniguchi : An AA+.	(0:07:06.44)
Taniguchi : She's definitely a nice person, too.	(0:07:08.36)
EXTRA : That's fast...	(0:07:15.16)
Kyon : At this point, Suzumiya Haruhi had yet to act up.	(0:07:17.62)
Kyon : And for me, it was a month of relaxation.	(0:07:21.37)
Kyon : However, I should note that...	(0:07:24.00)
Kyon : ...I observed a number of Haruhi's eccentric behaviors during this period.	(0:07:26.71)
Kyon : And so, peculiarity number one.	(0:07:31.43)
Kyon : Her hairstyle changes everyday.	(0:07:33.97)
Kyon : Monday.	(0:07:35.51)
Kyon : Tuesday.	(0:07:36.30)
Kyon : Wednesday.	(0:07:37.06)
Kyon : Thursday.	(0:07:37.81)
Kyon : Friday.	(0:07:38.56)
Kyon : As the days progressed, the number of tied-off points in her hair would increase.	(0:07:39.31)
Kyon : After resetting on Monday, it would increase one a day until Friday.	(0:07:42.31)
Kyon : I wonder what her head looks like on Sunday.	(0:07:45.98)
Kyon : I'd sure like to see it.	(0:07:48.69)
Kyon : Peculiarity number two.	(0:07:52.53)
EXTRA : They saw my body!	(0:07:53.20)
Kyon : Boys and girls split up for gym class.	(0:07:54.49)
Kyon : Girls change in odd-numbered rooms...	(0:07:57.24)
Kyon : ...and boys move to even-numbered rooms, however...	(0:07:58.91)
Kyon : ...ignoring the fact that boys were still present...	(0:08:01.91)
Kyon : ...she began taking off her uniform!	(0:08:04.37)
Kyon : It would appear that she viewed guys on the same level as potatoes.	(0:08:12.80)
Kyon : Peculiarity number three.	(0:08:18.97)
Kyon : To my amazement...	(0:08:22.06)
Kyon : ...she temporarily joined a wide range of clubs in this school.	(0:08:23.52)
Kyon : All the sports clubs without exception fervently pursued her membership.	(0:08:27.90)
EXTRA : 'Sides, your presence alone would motivate us!	(0:08:31.53)
Kyon : In the end, she didn't join a single one of them.	(0:08:36.28)
Kyon : What exactly is she trying to do?	(0:08:39.37)
Kyon : In the process, we reached the first day after Golden Week.	(0:08:46.12)
Taniguchi : - Yo, Kyon!	(0:08:47.92)
Kyon : Yo.	(0:08:50.42)
Kyon : Incidentally, Kyon is my nickname.	(0:08:51.34)
Taniguchi : Did you go somewhere for Golden Week?	(0:08:51.76)
Kyon : I took my sister to see our grandmother.	(0:08:53.47)
Kyon : I sure wish people would stop calling me that.	(0:08:54.47)
Taniguchi : That's lame.	(0:08:55.30)
EXTRA : 'Sup.	(0:08:57.34)
Kyon : So that makes today Wednesday.	(0:09:02.06)
Kyon : And with that thought in mind...	(0:09:03.81)
Kyon : I was probably possessed by some demon.	(0:09:05.44)
Kyon : I can think of no other explanation.	(0:09:07.15)
Kyon : Do you change your hair every day as an alien countermeasure?	(0:09:09.90)
Kyon : I talked to Suzumiya Haruhi.	(0:09:13.65)
Haruhi Suzumiya : When did you notice?	(0:09:16.28)
Kyon : Just recently.	(0:09:18.62)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I see.	(0:09:19.91)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I think that...	(0:09:22.16)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...each day gives off a different image.	(0:09:24.08)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Color-wise, Monday(Moon) would be yellow.	(0:09:28.63)
Kyon : I get the feeling this is the first time we've had a conversation.	(0:09:30.04)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Tuesday(Fire) would be red.	(0:09:31.38)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Wednesday(Water) would be blue.	(0:09:32.38)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Thursday(Wood) would be green.	(0:09:33.55)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Friday(Gold) is gold.	(0:09:35.22)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Saturday(Earth) is light brown.	(0:09:36.59)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Sunday(Sun) is white.	(0:09:37.63)
Kyon : I can see where she's coming from, but...	(0:09:39.05)
Kyon : So with numbers...	(0:09:41.47)
Kyon : ...Monday would be zero and Sunday would be six?	(0:09:43.60)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Yes.	(0:09:46.31)
Kyon : Monday feels more like one to me.	(0:09:47.81)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Nobody asked for your opinion!	(0:09:51.23)
Kyon : Oh, really.	(0:09:53.78)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Have I met you before?	(0:10:09.37)
Haruhi Suzumiya : A long time ago...	(0:10:12.63)
Kyon : Nope.	(0:10:13.75)
Kyon : The trigger...	(0:10:15.92)
Kyon : ...while being nothing particularly significant...	(0:10:17.22)
Kyon : This would indeed be the trigger.	(0:10:20.22)
Kyon : In any case, a serious response from Haruhi was a surprise.	(0:10:22.89)
Kyon : "Shut up!" "Moron!" "Be quiet!" "Who cares about that!?"	(0:10:25.89)
Kyon : ...were the replies I was expecting.	(0:10:28.94)
Kyon : Which is why...	(0:10:33.19)
Kyon : ...when Haruhi showed up with her long hair cut...	(0:10:34.11)
Kyon : ...I was rather disturbed.	(0:10:37.44)
Kyon : Anyway, isn't cutting it the day after I point it out a bit hasty?	(0:10:39.57)
Kyon : Hey.	(0:10:43.99)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Not really.	(0:10:46.70)
Kyon : After that...	(0:10:49.33)
Kyon : ...conversing with Haruhi in the short period before homeroom became a daily event.	(0:10:50.37)
Kyon : I heard this rumor...	(0:10:51.42)
Kyon : Is it true that you've dumped every guy you went out with?	(0:10:54.42)
Haruhi Suzumiya : What gives you the right to ask me that?	(0:10:58.21)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I don't know what you've heard, but very well.	(0:11:02.01)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It's probably all true.	(0:11:04.85)
Kyon : There wasn't a single guy you seriously wanted to date?	(0:11:06.60)
Haruhi Suzumiya : All of them were totally no good.	(0:11:10.89)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Every single one of them was ridiculously square.	(0:11:12.27)
Haruhi Suzumiya : None of them were aliens, time travelers, or espers.	(0:11:15.73)
Kyon : That's to be expected.	(0:11:19.07)
Haruhi Suzumiya : And what's up with most of them asking me out over the phone?	(0:11:20.40)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Important matters like these should be said in person!	(0:11:23.82)
Kyon : Well... you think so?	(0:11:27.16)
Kyon : I'll just go along with her.	(0:11:28.24)
Kyon : I'd probably call her out somewhere and tell her.	(0:11:28.50)
Haruhi Suzumiya : That's not important!	(0:11:31.21)
Kyon : So is it or isn't it?	(0:11:33.38)
Haruhi Suzumiya : The problem is that there are only worthless men on this planet.	(0:11:34.63)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I spent most of middle school being irritated.	(0:11:40.30)
Kyon : Then what kind of a guy did you want?	(0:11:43.76)
Kyon : I'm guessing an alien?	(0:11:46.05)
Haruhi Suzumiya : An alien.	(0:11:47.51)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Or something along those lines.	(0:11:48.22)
Haruhi Suzumiya : In any case, as long as it isn't an ordinary human, it doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl...	(0:11:50.93)
Kyon : Why are you so particular about non-humans?	(0:11:54.77)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Isn't that more fun?	(0:11:59.82)
Taniguchi : Hey, Kyon!	(0:12:13.42)
Taniguchi : What kind of magic did you use?	(0:12:14.79)
Kyon : What are you talking about?	(0:12:16.96)
Taniguchi : I've never seen Suzumiya talk that long before.	(0:12:18.46)
Taniguchi : What did you say to her?	(0:12:22.76)
Kyon : What did I say?	(0:12:24.34)
Kyon : I get the feeling I just asked whatever was on my mind.	(0:12:25.72)
Taniguchi : It's the end of the world.	(0:12:29.01)
Kunikida : Kyon's always liked weird girls.	(0:12:31.06)
Kyon : Don't say things that'll cause misunderstanding.	(0:12:34.19)
Ryoko Asakura : I'd also like to know.	(0:12:36.77)
Ryoko Asakura : Suzumiya-san never responds no matter how hard I try to talk to her.	(0:12:39.07)
Ryoko Asakura : How did you get her to talk to you?	(0:12:43.57)
Ryoko Asakura : Is there a trick to it?	(0:12:45.66)
Kyon : Don't know.	(0:12:47.03)
Ryoko Asakura : But I'm relieved now.	(0:12:49.58)
Ryoko Asakura : I'd be worried if Suzumiya-san kept isolating herself from the rest of the class.	(0:12:51.12)
Ryoko Asakura : It's a good thing that she's managed to make a friend.	(0:12:55.33)
Kyon : Friend, huh...	(0:12:58.29)
Ryoko Asakura : Keep up whatever you're doing to make Suzumiya-san open up to the class.	(0:13:00.42)
Ryoko Asakura : We were fortunate enough to be put into the same class...	(0:13:04.80)
Ryoko Asakura : ...so we should all be friends, right?	(0:13:07.05)
Ryoko Asakura : I'm counting on you.	(0:13:09.01)
Kyon : Easy for you to say.	(0:13:10.14)
Ryoko Asakura : If I need to tell her anything from now on...	(0:13:11.26)
Ryoko Asakura : ...I'll ask you to tell her for me.	(0:13:13.56)
Kyon : But hold on!	(0:13:17.52)
Kyon : I'm not her spokesman or anything.	(0:13:18.56)
Ryoko Asakura : Pretty please.	(0:13:22.19)
Taniguchi : Kyon!	(0:13:32.45)
Taniguchi : We're buddies, right?	(0:13:33.33)
Kyon : I'm surrounded by a bunch of idiots.	(0:13:35.29)
Kyon : Our seating arrangements are being changed.	(0:13:38.08)
Kyon : After drawing my lot from the tin...	(0:13:39.71)
Kyon : ...my new seat was next to the window, second from behind. Quite excellent.	(0:13:42.34)
Kyon : Farewell, Haruhi.	(0:13:46.34)
Kyon : Forever.	(0:13:47.55)
Kyon : This is coincidence, right?	(0:13:50.22)
Kyon : Did you really try joining all the clubs?	(0:13:52.85)
Kyon : Let me know if you find one that's fun.	(0:13:55.89)
Haruhi Suzumiya : There totally aren't any at all.	(0:13:59.65)
Kyon : An immediate response.	(0:14:01.02)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Totally none at all!	(0:14:02.27)
Kyon : It appears she has a habit of using the word "totally."	(0:14:03.44)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I was expecting something better after entering high school...	(0:14:06.69)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...but this is no different from back during mandatory education.	(0:14:09.82)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Maybe I went to the wrong school.	(0:14:13.28)
Kyon : What criteria are you using to choose a school?	(0:14:15.33)
Haruhi Suzumiya : There was a Mystery Research Society.	(0:14:18.79)
Kyon : How was it?	(0:14:21.75)
Haruhi Suzumiya : A joke.	(0:14:22.59)
Haruhi Suzumiya : They haven't had a single encounter with anything like a case.	(0:14:23.80)
Haruhi Suzumiya : All the members are just mystery fanatic bookworms.	(0:14:27.72)
Haruhi Suzumiya : None of them look like detective material.	(0:14:30.13)
Kyon : Well, yeah?	(0:14:32.05)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I was expecting more from the Supernatural Phenomena Research Society...	(0:14:33.51)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...but it was just a bunch of occult freaks.	(0:14:36.52)
Haruhi Suzumiya : What do you think of that?	(0:14:39.48)
Kyon : Nothing much.	(0:14:40.69)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Man, it's boring!	(0:14:42.44)
Haruhi Suzumiya : With so many clubs, you'd think there'd be at least one weird one.	(0:14:44.02)
Kyon : You can't do anything about what doesn't exist.	(0:14:47.86)
Kyon : In the end, humans have to settle for what's in front of them.	(0:14:49.86)
Kyon : If you think about it, the humans who were unable to do that...	(0:14:54.49)
Kyon : ...made discoveries or inventions...	(0:14:57.20)
Kyon : ...and advanced civilization.	(0:14:59.12)
Kyon : Planes were invented because people wanted to fly.	(0:15:01.04)
Kyon : Cars and trains came to be because people wanted easier means to move around.	(0:15:03.92)
Kyon : However, this came from a limited number of people who had innovative plans and concepts.	(0:15:07.59)
Kyon : In other words, geniuses made it all possible.	(0:15:12.51)
Kyon : Common folk like us are best off living an ordinary life.	(0:15:15.56)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Shut up!	(0:15:19.77)
Kyon : Just maybe...	(0:15:24.69)
Kyon : This conversation gave her the idea.	(0:15:25.82)
Kyon : It happened suddenly.	(0:15:29.90)
Kyon : What are you doing!?	(0:15:37.70)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I figured it out!	(0:15:38.54)
Kyon : Figured out what?	(0:15:40.12)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Why didn't I realize such a simple thing sooner?	(0:15:41.16)
Kyon : Realize what?	(0:15:44.88)
Haruhi Suzumiya : If there isn't one, I just have to make it myself!	(0:15:45.63)
Kyon : Make what?	(0:15:48.34)
Haruhi Suzumiya : A club!	(0:15:49.88)
Kyon : I got it.	(0:15:53.97)
Kyon : Well, just calm down for now.	(0:15:55.14)
Haruhi Suzumiya : What's with your reaction?	(0:15:56.55)
Haruhi Suzumiya : You should be a little happier about this discovery.	(0:15:57.81)
Kyon : We're in class right now.	(0:16:01.77)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Clubroom... Clubroom...	(0:16:07.77)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Assist me.	(0:16:13.03)
Kyon : This feels like extortion.	(0:16:14.61)
Kyon : Assist you with what?	(0:16:17.20)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Making my new club.	(0:16:18.53)
Kyon : Why do I have to help you with your idea?	(0:16:20.58)
Kyon : Tell me that first.	(0:16:24.25)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I'll go secure a room and members...	(0:16:26.13)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...so you go get the chartering paperwork.	(0:16:28.84)
Kyon : She's not listening.	(0:16:29.80)
Kyon : What kind of club are you planning on making?	(0:16:32.09)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Why does that even matter?	(0:16:34.43)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Making the club comes first!	(0:16:36.30)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Understood?	(0:16:38.14)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Find out what you have to do before school's over.	(0:16:38.81)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I'll find a room before then.	(0:16:40.89)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Understood?	(0:16:43.27)
Kyon : The provisions for chartering a "student association":	(0:16:45.77)
Kyon : Five members or more.	(0:16:49.23)
Kyon : A faculty advisor...	(0:16:51.44)
Kyon : ...a club name...	(0:16:52.74)
Kyon : ...a chairperson...	(0:16:53.44)
Kyon : ...a summary of club activities...	(0:16:54.49)
Kyon : There was no need to find out anything.	(0:16:56.61)
Kyon : Everything is listed out on the back of the student handbook.	(0:16:58.32)
Kyon : I don't mind writing this...	(0:17:00.95)
Kyon : ...but I'm willing to bet that whatever Haruhi has in mind...	(0:17:02.70)
Kyon : ...isn't going to "adhere to the policy of leading a productive and creative school life."	(0:17:04.54)
Kyon : Wait! Hol—	(0:17:09.92)
Kyon : What! Not aga—	(0:17:10.92)
Haruhi Suzumiya : This room is now our clubroom!	(0:17:13.26)
Kyon : Wait a tick.	(0:17:15.93)
Kyon : Where are we?	(0:17:16.93)
Haruhi Suzumiya : The arts department's clubhouse.	(0:17:18.76)
Haruhi Suzumiya : The art club and wind ensemble have an art room and a music room, right?	(0:17:21.10)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Clubs and associations that don't have such special classrooms...	(0:17:25.52)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...have rooms in this clubhouse.	(0:17:29.73)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Also known as the old shack.	(0:17:30.98)
Haruhi Suzumiya : This is the literary club's room.	(0:17:32.44)
Kyon : So this belongs to the literary club.	(0:17:34.40)
Haruhi Suzumiya : But the third-years all graduated last spring so it has zero members.	(0:17:36.32)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It was the only club that would have been cut if nobody new joined.	(0:17:40.32)
Haruhi Suzumiya : And this girl is the first-year who joined.	(0:17:44.79)
Kyon : Then the club wasn't cut.	(0:17:48.83)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Close enough.	(0:17:51.09)
Haruhi Suzumiya : There's only one person.	(0:17:52.46)
Kyon : What about her?	(0:17:53.88)
Haruhi Suzumiya : She said she's fine with it.	(0:17:55.67)
Kyon : For real?	(0:17:57.51)
Haruhi Suzumiya : When I asked her to lend me this room during lunch...	(0:17:58.84)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...she said go ahead.	(0:18:01.89)
Haruhi Suzumiya : She doesn't care as long as she can read apparently.	(0:18:02.97)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I suppose you could call her an oddball.	(0:18:06.43)
Kyon : Yeah. You're one to talk.	(0:18:08.94)
Yuki Nagato : Nagato Yuki.	(0:18:12.86)
Kyon : Then, Nagato-san.	(0:18:15.78)
Kyon : She's planning on turning this room into an I-have-no-idea-what club.	(0:18:17.40)
Kyon : Is that still okay with you?	(0:18:21.24)
Yuki Nagato : Yes.	(0:18:22.74)
Kyon : Well, but...	(0:18:23.79)
Kyon : It'll probably be a huge bother.	(0:18:25.29)
Yuki Nagato : Not really.	(0:18:27.87)
Kyon : You might even get chased out.	(0:18:28.54)
Yuki Nagato : Go ahead.	(0:18:31.17)
Haruhi Suzumiya : That's that.	(0:18:33.92)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Be sure to meet in this room after school from now on.	(0:18:35.71)
Haruhi Suzumiya : You better show up!	(0:18:38.72)
Haruhi Suzumiya : If you don't, heads will roll!	(0:18:40.47)
Kyon : I understand.	(0:18:43.05)
Kyon : I like my head where it is.	(0:18:44.76)
Haruhi Suzumiya : We have to recruit members first.	(0:18:46.52)
Haruhi Suzumiya : We need at least two more.	(0:18:48.73)
Kyon : Wait, that means...	(0:18:51.06)
Kyon : ...you've already counted in that literary club girl as well?	(0:18:52.19)
Kyon : Aren't you confusing her with a piece of furniture that came with the room now?	(0:18:55.19)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Rest assured.	(0:18:58.86)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I'll find them in no time.	(0:18:59.78)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I happen to know of someone made for this club.	(0:19:01.28)
Kyon : And so, the next day.	(0:19:04.45)
Haruhi Suzumiya : You go on ahead!	(0:19:05.99)
Kyon : As for me...	(0:19:09.66)
Kyon : Oh well.	(0:19:11.67)
Kyon : I shuffled my feet towards the clubroom.	(0:19:12.63)
Kyon : Whatcha reading?	(0:19:16.17)
Kyon : Is it interesting?	(0:19:20.09)
Yuki Nagato : Unique.	(0:19:24.26)
Kyon : Which part of it?	(0:19:25.60)
Yuki Nagato : All of it.	(0:19:28.68)
Kyon : You like books, huh?	(0:19:29.73)
Yuki Nagato : Relatively.	(0:19:34.11)
Kyon : Is that so...	(0:19:35.31)
Kyon : Can I leave now?	(0:19:39.11)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Hey! Sorry about being late.	(0:19:43.32)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It took a while to catch her.	(0:19:45.66)
Kyon : It was another girl.	(0:19:47.66)
Kyon : And an extraordinarily beautiful one at that.	(0:19:49.58)
Mikuru Asahina : What is this?	(0:19:49.95)
Mikuru Asahina : Where are we?	(0:19:52.21)
Mikuru Asahina : Why did you bring me here?	(0:19:54.17)
Mikuru Asahina : Why are you l-locking the door!?	(0:19:58.46)
Mikuru Asahina : What are you—	(0:20:00.55)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Be quiet.	(0:20:00.97)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Allow me to introduce you.	(0:20:04.39)
Haruhi Suzumiya : This is Asahina Mikuru-chan.	(0:20:05.43)
Kyon : That's the whole introduction?	(0:20:10.68)
Kyon : Where did you abduct her from?	(0:20:13.56)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I didn't abduct her.	(0:20:15.10)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It was voluntary arrest.	(0:20:16.61)
Kyon : Close enough.	(0:20:17.82)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I caught her daydreaming in a second-year classroom.	(0:20:19.11)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I go through every corner of the school during breaks...	(0:20:22.65)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...so I remembered her after spotting her a few times.	(0:20:26.70)
Kyon : I was wondering why she wasn't in the classroom during breaks... So that's what she was doing.	(0:20:29.16)
Kyon : Then... isn't she an upperclassman?	(0:20:34.04)
Haruhi Suzumiya : What about it?	(0:20:36.79)
Kyon : Never mind then.	(0:20:39.34)
Kyon : Uh... Asahina-san, is it?	(0:20:40.34)
Kyon : Why her?	(0:20:41.96)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Well, take a look.	(0:20:43.76)
Haruhi Suzumiya : She's super cute, isn't she?	(0:20:47.26)
Kyon : She sounded like a dangerous kidnapper.	(0:20:49.56)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I believe that turn-ons are an essential factor.	(0:20:52.02)
Kyon : Sorry.	(0:20:56.98)
Kyon : What was that?	(0:20:57.73)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Turn-ons! Turn-ons!	(0:20:58.52)
Haruhi Suzumiya : This is an element of turning people on.	(0:20:59.94)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Fundamentally, in every story where something strange happens...	(0:21:02.03)
Haruhi Suzumiya : ...there's always an alluring, lolita-looking character present.	(0:21:05.86)
Haruhi Suzumiya : That's not all.	(0:21:12.70)
Haruhi Suzumiya : She's so small yet, look.	(0:21:17.79)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Her breasts are bigger than mine.	(0:21:18.92)
Haruhi Suzumiya : A lolita face with big breasts.	(0:21:20.67)
Haruhi Suzumiya : This is an important element of turning people on!	(0:21:22.55)
Kyon : News to me.	(0:21:25.26)
Haruhi Suzumiya : They really are big...	(0:21:26.59)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It's starting to piss me off.	(0:21:28.39)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Such a cute face is sporting bigger ones than me!	(0:21:30.35)
Kyon : Are you a moron?	(0:21:33.31)
Haruhi Suzumiya : But they're really big!	(0:21:34.43)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Seriously.	(0:21:35.98)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Why don't you touch them?	(0:21:36.69)
Kyon : I'll pass.	(0:21:39.06)
Kyon : So then, what?	(0:21:40.73)
Kyon : The fact that this Asahina-san is cute, small, and has big breasts...	(0:21:41.82)
Kyon : ...is why you brought her here?	(0:21:47.32)
Haruhi Suzumiya : That's right.	(0:21:49.03)
Kyon : She must have been born dumb.	(0:21:49.95)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I figure we need a mascot character like her.	(0:21:51.95)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Mikuru-chan, are you in any other clubs?	(0:21:55.20)
Mikuru Asahina : Um... The calligraphy club.	(0:21:58.50)
Haruhi Suzumiya : Quit that then.	(0:22:00.42)
Haruhi Suzumiya : It'll conflict with our club activities.	(0:22:01.71)
Mikuru Asahina : I see...	(0:22:17.81)
Mikuru Asahina : I understand.	(0:22:20.06)
Kyon : What did she just understand?	(0:22:21.31)
Mikuru Asahina : I'll quit the calligraphy club and join this one.	(0:22:22.65)
Mikuru Asahina : But I'm not sure what the literary club does...	(0:22:25.65)
Haruhi Suzumiya : We aren't the literary club.	(0:22:29.86)
Kyon : We're temporarily borrowing this room.	(0:22:32.62)
Kyon : The club you're being forced into...	(0:22:35.79)
Kyon : ...is an unnamed association yet to be made by Suzumiya over there that will participate in unknown activities.	(0:22:37.91)
Kyon : Incidentally, the person sitting there reading...	(0:22:42.84)
Kyon : ...is the real literary club member.	(0:22:45.17)
Haruhi Suzumiya : No worries!	(0:22:48.76)
Haruhi Suzumiya : I just came up with a name!	(0:22:49.97)
Kyon : Let us hear it.	(0:22:52.72)
Kyon : Attention everyone.	(0:22:54.81)
Kyon : The name of this fledgling club has just been decided.	(0:22:56.68)
Haruhi Suzumiya : SOS Brigade!	(0:23:01.60)
Kyon : The save the world by overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi's Brigade.	(0:23:05.73)
Kyon : Or SOS Brigade for short.	(0:23:09.49)
Kyon : Feel free to laugh.	(0:23:12.16)
Kyon : Originally, it should have been the save the world by overloading it with fun Suzumiya Haruhi Association...	(0:23:15.12)
Kyon : ...but an association hasn't even been formed yet.	(0:23:21.71)
Kyon : And nobody has a clue as to what this group is supposed to do.	(0:23:24.59)
Haruhi Suzumiya : So brigade is fine then.	(0:23:27.34)
Kyon : Haruhi's incomprehensible words...	(0:23:30.42)
Kyon : ...settled the matter. Oh, joy.	(0:23:32.76)
Kyon : Just do whatever you want.	(0:23:35.30)