Conservative, n.:
	A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished
	from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion...
		-- Professor in the UCB physics department

Consider the following axioms carefully:
	"Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz."
	and
	"Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it."
What happens if one spreads Blue Bonnet margarine on a Ritz cracker?  The
thought is frightening.  Is this how God came into being?  Try not to
consider the fact that "Things go better with Coke".

Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal
it is which never entrusts its life to one hole only.
		-- Titus Maccius Plautus

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in
the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
		-- Josh Billings

CONSULTANT:
	(1) Someone you pay to take the watch off your wrist and tell
	you what time it is. (2) (For resume use) The working title
	of anyone who doesn't currently hold a job. Motto: Have
	Calculator, Will Travel.

CONSULTANT:
	An ordinary man a long way from home.

CONSULTANT:
	[From con "to defraud, dupe, swindle," or, possibly, French con
	(vulgar) "a person of little merit" + sult elliptical form of
	"insult."]  A tipster disguised as an oracle, especially one who
	has learned to decamp at high speed in spite of a large briefcase
	and heavy wallet.

CONSULTANT:
	Someone who'd rather climb a tree and tell a
	lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.

Consultants are mystical people who ask a
company for a number and then give it back to them.

CONSULTATION:
	Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."

Contemporary American feminism's simplistic psychology is illustrated by
the new cliche of the date-rape furor:  "`No' always means `no'."  Will
we ever graduate from the Girl Scouts?  "No" has always been, and always
will be, part of the dangerous alluring courtship ritual of sex and
seduction, observable even in the animal kingdom.
		-- Camille Paglia, NY Times, Dec. 14 1990, Op Ed.

"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and
if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.  That's logic!"
		-- Lewis Carroll,
		   "Through the Looking-Glass,
		   and What Alice Found There" (1871)

Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
technology.  Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.

Convention is the ruler of all.
		-- Pindar

Conversation enriches the understanding,
but solitude is the school of genius.

Conversation, n.:
	A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
	is called the listener.

Conway's Law:
	In any organization there will always be one person who knows
	what is going on.

	This person must be fired.

Cops never say good-bye.  They're always hoping to see you again in the
line-up.
		-- Raymond Chandler

COPYING MACHINE:
	A device that shreds paper, flashes mysteriously coded messages,
	and makes duplicates for everyone in the office who isn't
	interested in reading them.