I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
		-- Dennis M. Ritchie

I am not sure what this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.
		-- English Professor

I am of the belief that catnip arrived on the planet in the same spaceship
that delivered cats. It is the only thing they have from their home
planet. Tuna, chicken, sparrow-brains, etc., these are all things of our
world that they like, but catnip is crack from home.
		-- Bill Cole

I am professionally trained in computer science, which is to say
(in all seriousness) that I am extremely poorly educated.
		-- Joseph Weizenbaum, "Computer Power and Human Reason"

I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared
for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
		-- Winston Churchill

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
		-- Professor Lowd, English, Ohio University

I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.

I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.

I am the wandering glitch -- catch me if you can.

I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so.
		-- John Donne

I am two with nature.
		-- Woody Allen

I am very fond of the company of ladies.  I like their beauty,
I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
		-- Samuel Johnson

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the
sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are
loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville

I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
they don't even invite me.
		-- Dave Barry

I asked a teacher what the opposite of a miracle was and she, without
thinking, I assume, said it was an act of God.
			-- Terry Prachett (Daily Mail 21 june 2008)

I asked the engineer who designed the communication terminal's keyboards
why these were not manufactured in a central facility, in view of the
small number needed [1 per month] in his factory.  He explained that this
would be contrary to the political concept of local self-sufficiency.
Therefore, each factory needing keyboards, no matter how few, manufactures
them completely, even molding the keypads.
		-- Isaac Auerbach, IEEE "Computer", Nov. 1979

I attribute my success to intelligence, guts, determination, honesty,
ambition, and having enough money to buy people with those qualities.

I B M
U B M
We all B M
For I B M!!!!
		-- H.A.R.L.I.E.

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
		-- Gilda Radner

I began many years ago, as so many young men do, in searching for the
perfect woman.  I believed that if I looked long enough, and hard enough,
I would find her and then I would be secure for life.  Well, the years
and romances came and went, and I eventually ended up settling for someone
a lot less than my idea of perfection.  But one day, after many years
together, I lay there on our bed recovering from a slight illness.  My
wife was sitting on a chair next to the bed, humming softly and watching
the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees.  The only sounds to
be heard elsewhere were the clock ticking, the kettle downstairs starting
to boil, and an occasional schoolchild passing beneath our window.  And
as I looked up into my wife's now wrinkled face, but still warm and
twinkling eyes, I realized something about perfection...  It comes only
with time.
		-- James L. Collymore, "Perfect Woman"