I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along."
It isn't that I can't toddle.  It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.
		-- Robert Benchley

I can't stand squealers; hit that guy.
		-- Albert Anastasia

I can't stand this proliferation of paperwork.  It's useless to fight the
forms.  You've got to kill the people producing them.
		-- Vladimir Kabaidze, general director of the Ivanovo Machine
		   Building Works (near Moscow) in a speech to the Communist
		   Party Conference

I can't understand it.
I can't even understand the people who can understand it.
		-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
		-- Fred Allen

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas.
I'm frightened of the old ones.
		-- John Cage

I collect rare photographs...  I have two...  One of Houdini locking his
keys in his car...  the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating
up a child.
		-- Steven Wright

I come from a small town whose population never changed.  Each time
a woman got pregnant, someone left town.
		-- Michael Prichard

I consider a new device or technology to have been
culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.
		-- M. Gallaher

I consider the day misspent that I am not
either charged with a crime, or arrested for one.
		-- "Ratsy" Tourbillon

I could dance till the cows come home.  On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
		-- Groucho Marx

I could never learn to like her --
except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
		-- Mark Twain

I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps the
time I found out that M&Ms really DO melt in your hand.
		-- Peter Oakley

I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives.  I don't see why
I should have to believe in it in this one.
		-- Strange de Jim

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!
		-- Bart Simpson

I didn't get sophisticated -- I just got tired.
But maybe that's what sophisticated is -- being tired.
		-- Rita Gain

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.