I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
		-- George Bernard Shaw

I only know what I read in the papers.
		-- Will Rogers

I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)

I opened the drawer of my little desk and a single letter fell out, a
letter from my mother, written in pencil, one of her last, with unfinished
words and an implicit sense of her departure.  It's so curious: one can
resist tears and "behave" very well in the hardest hours of grief.  But
then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window... or one notices
that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed... or
a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.
		-- Letters From Colette

I owe, I owe,
It's off to work I go...

I owe the government $3400 in taxes.  So I sent them two hammers and a
toilet seat.
		-- Michael McShane

I owe the public nothing.
		-- J. P. Morgan

I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as
the greatest of dangers to be feared.  To preserve our independence, we must
not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.  If we run into such debts, we
must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and in our comforts,
in our labor and in our amusements.  If we can prevent the government from
wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they
will be happy.
		-- Thomas Jefferson

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled
substances being in widespread use.  Back then, there were no
restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we
made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given
powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative
nerve disease.
		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"

I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation,
indivisible,
with liberty
and justice for all.
		-- Francis Bellamy, 1892

I poured spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.
		-- Steven Wright

I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!

I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
		-- Alexandre Dumas the Younger

I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.
		-- Cicero

Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
		-- Poor Richard

I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
		-- William F. Buckley

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats
on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
		-- Steven Wright

I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of
tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for:  If
they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go
crude.  I'm a very technical boy.  So I decided to get as crude as possible.
These days, though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even
aspire to crudeness.
		-- William Gibson, "Johnny Mnemonic"

I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.
		-- Neil Armstrong

I read a column by George Will that Scarface should be rated X because
parents were taking their children to see it.  So what?  Why should the
motion-picture industry be responsible for our morality?
	Dad says to Mom, "Honey, Scarface is in town."
	"What's it about?"
	"Human scum who kill each other over cocaine deals."
	"Sounds great!  Let's take the kids!"
		-- Ian Shoales

I read Playboy for the same reason I read National Geographic.
To see the sights I'm never going to visit.