Her days were spent in a kind of slow bustle; always busy without
getting on, always behind hand and lamenting it, without altering
her ways; wishing to be an economist, without contrivance or
regularity; dissatisfied with her servants, without skill to make
them better, and whether helping, or reprimanding, or indulging
them, without any power of engaging their respect.
		-- J. Austen

Her locks an ancient lady gave
Her loving husband's life to save;
And men -- they honored so the dame --
Upon some stars bestowed her name.

But to our modern married fair,
Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
No stellar recognition's given.
There are not stars enough in heaven.

Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people;
from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth...

Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.

Here I am again right where I know I shouldn't be
I've been caught inside this trap too many times
I must've walked these steps and said these words a
	thousand times before
It seems like I know everybody's lines.
		-- David Bromberg, "How Late'll You Play 'Til?"

Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when
I grow up.
		-- Peter Drucker

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
All logged in, but work unstarted.
First net.this and net.that,
And a hot buttered bun for net.fat.

The boss comes by, and I play the game,
Then I turn back to net.flame.
Is there a cure (I need your views),
For someone trapped in net.news?

I need your help, I say 'tween sobs,
'Cause I'll soon be listed in net.jobs.

Here in my heart, I am Helen;
	I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
	I'm Salome, moon of the East.

Here in my soul I am Sappho;
	Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
In me Recamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
	With Dido, and Eve, and poor Nell.

I'm all of the glamorous ladies
	At whose beckoning history shook.
But you are a man, and see only my pan,
	So I stay at home with a book.
		-- Dorothy Parker

Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical
lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach
your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.
Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in
pain?  This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force,
but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an
important electrical lesson.

It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works.  When you scuffed
your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small
objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will
attract dirt.  The electrons travel through your bloodstream and
collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your
friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the
carpet, thus completing the circuit.

Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without
touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your
finger would explode!  But this is nothing to worry about unless you
have carpeting.
		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
if you're alive, it isn't.

Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month.  According
to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe
marketing anxiety in China.

The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either (depending on the
inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole".

Bite the wax tadpole.  There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?

The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get
a whole column out of it.  I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax
tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare.  Not bad, but broad
satiric vistas do not open up.
		-- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle

HERE LIES LESTER MOORE
SHOT 4 TIMES WITH A .44
NO LES
NO MOORE
		-- tombstone, in Tombstone, AZ

Here lies my wife: her let her lie!
Now she's at rest, and so am I.
		-- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife

Here there by tygers.

HERE'S A GOOD JOKE to do during an earthquake.  Straddle a big crack in
the earth and if it opens wider, go, "Whoa! Whoa!" and flap your arms
around as if you're going to fall.
		-- Jack Handey, "The New Mexican" (1988)

Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery.'
		-- Jay Leno

Herth's Law:
	He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.

He's been like a father to me,
He's the only DJ you can get after three,
I'm an all-night musician in a rock and roll band,
And why he don't like me I don't understand.
		-- The Byrds

He's dead, Jim.

He's got the heart of a little child,
and he keeps it in a jar on his desk.