He's just a politician trying to save both his faces...

He's just like Capistrano, always ready for a few swallows.

He's like a function -- he returns a value, in the form of
his opinion.  It's up to you to cast it into a void or not.
		-- Phil Lapsley

He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd
be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.

He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is.

Heuristics are bug ridden by definition.
If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.

Hewett's Observation:
	The rudeness of a bureaucrat is inversely proportional to his or
	her position in the governmental hierarchy and to the number of
	peers similarly engaged.

Hey, diddle, diddle the overflow pdl
To get a little more stack;
If that's not enough then you lose it all
And have to pop all the way back.

Hey, Jim, it's me, Susie Lillis from the laundromat.  You said you were
gonna call and it's been two weeks.  What's wrong, you lose my number?

HEY KIDS!  ANN LANDERS SAYS:
	Be sure it's true, when you say "I love you".  It's a sin to
	tell a lie.  Millions of hearts have been broken, just because
	these words were spoken.

Hey, what do you expect from a culture that
*drives* on *parkways* and *parks* on *driveways*?
		-- Gallagher

Hi!  I'm Larry.  This is my brother Bob, and this is my other brother
Jimbo.  We thought you might like to know the names of your assailants.

Hi!  You have reached 962-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and
the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible.  Please
leave your name and message after the beep...

Hi! How are things going?
	(just fine, thank you...)
Great! Say, could I bother you for a question?
	(you just asked one...)
Well, how about one more?
	(one more than the first one?)
Yes.
	(you already asked that...)
[at this point, Alphonso gets smart...	]
May I ask two questions, sir?
	(no.)
May I ask ONE then?
	(nope...)
Then may I ask, sir, how I may ask you a question?
	(yes, you may.)
Sir, how may I ask you a question?
	(you must ask for retroactive question asking privileges for
	 the number of questions you have asked, then ask for that
	 number plus two, one for the current question, and one for the
	 next one)
Sir, may I ask nine questions?
	(go right ahead...)

Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.
As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of
equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney.
Do you have a car or a job?  Do you ever walk around?  If so, you
probably have the makings of an excellent legal case.  Although of
course every case is different, I would definitely say that based on my
experience and training, there's no reason why you shouldn't come out
of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser.

Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
motto is:  "It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain."
		-- Dave Barry, "Pain and Suffering"

Hi Jimbo.  Dennis.  Really appreciate the help on the income tax.
You wanna help on the audit now?

Hi there!  This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person
reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes,
nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.

Hickery Dickery Dock,
The mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
The others escaped with minor injuries.

Hideously disfigured by an ancient Indian curse?

		WE CAN HELP!

Call (511) 338-0959 for an immediate appointment.

Hier liegt ein Mann ganz ohnegleich;
Im Leibe dick, an Suenden reich.
Wir haben ihn ins Grab gesteckt,	Here lies a man with sundry flaws
Weil es uns duenkt er sei verreckt.	And numerous Sins upon his head;
					We buried him today because
					As far as we can tell, he's dead.
		-- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty
		   Sue Bach and written by the local doggerel catcher;
		   "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter
		   Schickele