If every kid had a funny tooth to bite down on whenever the world disappointed
him, prussic acid could solve our population problems in one generation.
		-- G. C. Edmonson's Albert, "The Man Who Corrupted Earth"

If everybody minded their own business, the world would go
around a deal faster.
		-- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"

If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.

If everything on the road of life seems to
be coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
		-- Bertrand Russell

If food be the music of love, eat up, eat up.

If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there
is an exception to every rule.  If we accept "For every rule there is an
exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception
after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of
exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there
can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception.
		-- Bill Boquist

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
		-- Voltaire, "Epitres, XCVI"

If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three
to a can.

If God had a beard, he'd be a UNIX programmer.

If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.

If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.

If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.

If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.

If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.

If God had meant for us to be in the Army,
we would have been born with green, baggy skin.

If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.

If God had not given us sticky tape,
it would have been necessary to invent it.

If God had really intended men to fly,
he'd make it easier to get to the airport.
		-- George Winters