If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
		-- W. E. Hickson

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
		-- W. C. Fields

[Also attributed to Roy Mengot.  Ed.]

If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
		-- Leonard Levinson

If at first you fricassee, fry, fry again.

If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is
identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a
collection of meaningless words about unintelligible chimeras, then
I have no doubt, and I think few people doubt, that atheists are as
plentiful as blackberries.
		-- Leslie Stephen

If bankers can count, how come they have
eight windows and only four tellers?

If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by
some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.
		-- Philip Hale, Boston music critic, 1837

If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing
but illegal purposes.
		-- J. Edgar Hoover

If Carter is the answer, it must have been a VERY silly question.

If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.
		-- William Blake

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James
Watt's office.
		-- Wayne Shannon

If coke is a joke, I'm waiting around for the next line.

If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will
serve us right.
		-- Alistair Cooke

If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?

If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other,
there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses
is a fraud.
		-- Dagny Taggart, "Atlas Shrugged"

If ever you want to touch the hand and the heart of God Almighty, you can
do it through the body of someone you love.  Anytime.  Anywhere.  Without
no middleman.
		-- Theodore Sturgeon, "Godbody"