If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.
		-- W. C. Fields

If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?

If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever
to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude
that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
		-- Rob Stampfli

If all be true that I do think,
There be five reasons why one should drink;
Good friends, good wine, or being dry,
Or lest we should be by-and-by,
Or any other reason why.

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith

If all else fails, lower your standards.

If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot
platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave
that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.

If all the seas were ink,
And all the reeds were pens,
And all the skies were parchment,
And all the men could write,
These would not suffice
To write down all the red tape
Of this Government.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
		-- Paul Beatty

If all the world's economists were laid end to end,
we wouldn't reach a conclusion.
		-- William Baumol

If an average person on the subway turns to you, like an ancient mariner,
and starts telling you her tale, you turn away or nod and hope she stops,
not just because you fear she might be crazy.  If she tells her tale on
camera, you might listen.  Watching strangers on television, even
responding to them from a studio audience, we're disengaged - voyeurs
collaborating with exhibitionists in rituals of sham community.  Never
have so many known so much about people for whom they cared so little.
		-- Wendy Kaminer commenting on testimonial television
		   in "I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional".

If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
		-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"

If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last
car he ever lays down in front of.
		-- George Wallace

If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified,
let him become president of Harvard.
		-- Edward Holyoke

If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible.
We're offering a substantial reward.  He's a sable collie, with three legs,
blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his
tail.  He's been recently fixed.  Answers to "Lucky".

If anything can go wrong, it will.

If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.