Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh
autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet
Union.
		-- P. J. O'Rourke

Armor's Axiom:
	Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.

Armstrong's Collection Law:
	If the check is truly in the mail,
	it is surely made out to someone else.

Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
	(1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
	(2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
	(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
	    first two laws.

Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
measure progress.  Some cathedrals took a century to complete.  Can you
imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

Around the turn of this century, a composer named Camille Saint-Saens wrote
a satirical zoological-fantasy called "Le Carnaval des Animaux."  Aside from
one movement of this piece, "The Swan", Saint-Saens didn't allow this work
to be published or even performed until a year had elapsed after his death.
(He died in 1921.)
	Most of us know the "Swan" movement rather well, with its smooth,
flowing cello melody against a calm background; but I've been having this
fantasy...
	What if he had written this piece with lyrics, as a song to be sung?
And, further, what if he had accompanied this song with a musical saw?  (This
instrument really does exist, often played by percussionists!)  Then the
piece would be better known as:
	SAINT-SAENS' SAW SONG "SWAN"!

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's
incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."
		-- Muad'dib, "Dune"

Art is a jealous mistress.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.
		-- Picasso

Art is anything you can get away with.
		-- Marshall McLuhan

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
		-- Paul Gauguin

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.
		-- Chazal

"Art" is the ability to separate the significant from the insignificant.
		-- Poul Henningsen (1894-1967)

Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.

Arthur's Laws of Love:
	(1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
	    remind them of someone else.
	(2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will
	    be delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool
	    of yourself in person.

Article the Third:
	Where a crime of the kidneys has been committed, the accused should
	enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change.  Public announcements and
	guided tours of the aforementioned are not necessary.
Article the Fourth:
	The decision to eat strained lamb or not should be with the "feedee"
	and not the "feeder".  Blowing the strained lamb into the feeder's
	face should be accepted as an opinion, not as a declaration of war.
Article the Fifth:
	Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize, whether it be in church,
	a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the
	lights are out.  They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have
	to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
		-- Erma Bombeck, "A Baby's Bill of Rights"

Artificial intelligence has the same relation to intelligence as
artificial flowers have to flowers.
		-- David Parnas

Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick
perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask,
"that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...
		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"