As you grow older, you will still do foolish things,
but you will do them with much more enthusiasm.
		-- The Cowboy

As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would
interfere with flight.  [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the
Wright Brothers.  They were watching birds one day, trying to figure
out how to get their crude machine to fly, when suddenly it dawned on
Wilbur.  "Orville," he said, "all we have to do is remove the sexual
organs!"  You should have seen their original design.]  As a result,
birds are very, very difficult to arouse sexually.  You almost never
see an aroused bird.  So when they want to reproduce, birds fly up and
stand on telephone lines, where they monitor telephone conversations
with their feet.  When they find a conversation in which people are
talking dirty, they grip the line very tightly until they are both
highly aroused, at which point the female gets pregnant.
		-- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
		   Teen Should Know"

As you reach for the web, a venomous spider appears.  Unable to pull
your hand away in time, the spider promptly, but politely, bites you.
The venom takes affect quickly causing your lips to turn plaid along
with your complexion.  You become dazed, and in your stupor you fall
from the limbs of the tree.  Snap!  Your head falls off and rolls all
over the ground.  The instant before you croak, you hear the whoosh of
a vacuum being filled by the air surrounding your head.  Worse yet, the
spider is suing you for damages.

As you will see, I told them, in no uncertain terms, to see Figure one.
		-- Dave "First Strike" Pare

As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."

Ascend to the high mountain pass,
Cross the shallow side of the wide ocean.
Do not give up to the great distance:
It's by going that you will reach your aim.
Be not discouraged by human frailty:
You will overcome it if you try to.
		-- Chinggis (Genghis) Khan

ASCII:
	The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
	become computer literate.  Etymologically, the term has come down as
	a contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall
	receive."
		-- Robb Russon

ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.

ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
If God won't have you, the devil must.

Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard).
		-- Edgar R. Fiedler

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you
will pay only the station-to-station rate.
		-- Howard Kandel

Ask not for whom the  tolls.

Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ...
if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.

Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.
		-- J. J. Gibson

Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
for an answer.

Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
		-- John Stuart Mill

Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team, she
said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and
released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her
right cheek.  She chewed a rare brand of plug called Stuff It, which she
learned to chew when she was playing Nicaraguan summer ball.  She told the
writers, "They were so mean to me down there you couldn't write it in your
newspaper.  I took a gun everywhere I went, even to bed.  *Especially* to
bed.  Guys were after me like you can't believe.  That's when I started
chewing tobacco -- because no matter how bad anybody treats you, it's not
as bad as this.  This is the worst chew in the world.  After this,
everything else is peaches and cream."  The writers elected Gentleman Jim,
the Sparrow's P.R. guy, to bite off a chunk and tell them how it tasted,
and as he sat and chewed it tears ran down his old sunburnt cheeks and he
couldn't talk for a while. Then he whispered, "You've been chewing this for
two years?  God, I had no idea it was so hard to be a woman."
		-- Garrison Keillor

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a
lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
		-- Christopher Hampton

Ass, n.:
	The masculine of "lass".