Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as
a friend if she were a man.
		-- Joubert

Chorus:
	Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
	Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
	You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
	But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!
She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
And we begged her not to go.
But she'd forgot her medication,	When we found her Christmas morning,
And she staggered through the door	At the scene of the attack.
	out in the snow.		She had hoofprints on her forehead,
					And incriminating claus-marks on her
Now we're all so proud of Grandpa,		back.
He's been taking this so well.
See him in there watching football.	I've warned all my friends and
Drinking beer and playing cards			neighbors,
	with cousin Mel.		Better watch out for yourselves!
					They should never give a license,
					To a man who drives a sleigh and
						plays with elves!
		-- Elmo and Patsy, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Christ:
	A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.

Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him.

Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
		-- George Bernard Shaw

Christmas time is here, by Golly;	Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens;
Disapproval would be folly;		Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens;
Deck the halls with hunks of holly;	Even though the prospect sickens,
Fill the cup and don't say when...	Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day, you can't get sore;	Relations sparing no expense'll,
Your fellow man you must adore;		Send some useless old utensil,
There's time to rob him all the more,	Or a matching pen and pencil,
The other three hundred and sixty-four!	Just the thing I need... how nice.

It doesn't matter how sincere		Hark The Herald-Tribune sings,
It is, nor how heartfelt the spirit;	Advertising wondrous things.
Sentiment will not endear it;		God Rest Ye Merry Merchants,
What's important is... the price.	May you make the Yuletide pay.
					Angels We Have Heard On High,
Let the raucous sleighbells jingle;	Tell us to go out and buy.
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle,	Sooooo...
Driving his reindeer across the sky,
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!
		-- Tom Lehrer

Churchill's Commentary on Man:
	Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
	but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Cigarette, n.:
	A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
	between.

Cinemuck, n.:
	The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
	covers the floors of movie theaters.
		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
		-- Herodotus

Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
		-- Calvin Coolidge

Civilization, as we know it, will end sometime this evening.
See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
		-- Mark Twain

Clairvoyant, n.:
	A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
	which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a
	blockhead.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who
aspires to be a hero... must drink brandy.
		-- Samuel Johnson

Clarke's Conclusion:
	Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.

Class, that's the only thing that counts in life.  Class.
Without class and style, a man's a bum; he might as well be dead.
		-- "Bugsy" Siegel

Class: when they're running you out of town, to look like you're
leading the parade.
		-- Bill Battie

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
		-- Kin Hubbard, "Abe Martin's Sayings"

Clay's Conclusion:
	Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.