Fear is the greatest salesman.
		-- Robert Klein

Feature, n.:
	A surprising property of a program.  Occasionally documented.  To
	call a property a feature sometimes means the author did not
	consider that case, and the program makes an unexpected, though
	not necessarily wrong response.  See BUG.  "That's not a bug, it's
	a feature!"  A bug can be changed to a feature by documenting it.

Federal grants are offered for... research into the recreation
potential of interplanetary space travel for the culturally
disadvantaged.

Feel disillusioned?
I've got some great new illusions, right here!

Feeling amorous, she looked under the sheets and cried, "Oh, no,
it's Microsoft!"

Felix Catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents:
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance;
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
		-- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot"

Fellow programmer, greetings!  You are reading a letter which will bring
you luck and good fortune.  Just mail (or UUCP) ten copies of this letter
to ten of your friends.  Before you make the copies, send a chip or
other bit of hardware, and 100 lines of "C" code to the first person on the
list given at the bottom of this letter.  Then delete their name and add
yours to the bottom of the list.

Don't break the chain!  Make the copy within 48 hours.  Gerald R. of San
Diego failed to send out his ten copies and woke the next morning to find
his job description changed to "COBOL programmer."  Fred A. of New York sent
out his ten copies and within a month had enough hardware and software to
build a Cray dedicated to playing Zork.  Martha H. of Chicago laughed at
this letter and broke the chain.  Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in
her terminal and she now spends her days writing documentation for IBM PC's.

Don't break the chain!  Send out your ten copies today!

Female rabbits:
	The gift that just "keeps on giving."

Fenderberg, n.:
	The large glacial deposits that form on the insides
	of car fenders during snowstorms.
		-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"

Ferguson's Precept:
	A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."

Fertility is hereditary.  If your parents
didn't have any children, neither will you.

Fess:	Well, you must admit there is something innately humorous about
	a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy.
Rod:	Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure.  But after all, isn't that the
	basic difference between robots and humans?
Fess:	What, the ability to form imaginary constructs?
Rod:	No, the ability to get hung up on them.
		-- Christopher Stasheff, "The Warlock in Spite of Himself"

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
		-- Mark Twain

Fidelity, n.:
	A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest,
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest,
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
		-- Robert Louis Stevenson, "Treasure Island"

Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary:
	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Fifth Law of Procrastination:
	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
there is nothing important to do.

Fifty flippant frogs
Walked by on flippered feet
And with their slime they made the time
Unnaturally fleet.

Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
Carolina.

File cabinet:
	A four drawer, manually activated trash compactor.