Grig (the navigator):
	... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space
	armada.
Alex (the gunner):
	What?!?
Grig:	I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against
	overwhelming odds.
Alex:	It'll be a slaughter!
Grig:	That's the spirit!
		-- The Last Starfighter

Grinnell's Law of Labor Laxity:
	At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today.

Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mudslide.
		-- Johnny Carson

Grover Cleveland, though constantly at loggerheads with the Senate, got on
better with the House of Representatives.  A popular story circulating
during his presidency concerned the night he was roused by his wife crying,
"Wake up!  I think there are burglars in the house."
	"No, no, my dear," said the president sleepily, "in the Senate
maybe, but not in the House."

Growing old isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
		-- Maurice Chevalier

Grownups are reluctant to take science fiction seriously, and with good
reason: sci-fi is a hormonal activity, not a literary one.  Its traditional
concerns are all pubescent.  Secondary sexual characteristics are everywhere,
disguised.  Aliens have tentacles.  Telepathy allows you to have sex without
any nasty inconvenience of touching.  Womblike spaceships provide balanced
meals.  No one ever has to grow old -- body parts are replaceable, like
Job's daughters, and if you're lucky you can become a robot.  As for the
adult world, it's simply not there; political systems tend to be naively
authoritarian (there are more lords in science fiction than on public
television) and are often ruled by young boys on quests.  The most popular
sci-fi book in years, Frank Herbert's Dune, sold millions of copies by
combining all these themes: it ends with its adolescent hero conquering the
universe while straddling a giant worm.
		-- Arnold Klein

Grub first, then ethics.
		-- Bertolt Brecht

GUILLOTINE:
	A French chopping center.

Gumperson's Law:
	The probability of a given event
	occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Guns don't kill people.  Bullets kill people.

Gunter's Airborne Discoveries:
	(1)  When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft,
	     the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
	(2)  The strength of the turbulence
	     is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

Gurmlish, n.:
	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which prevents
	the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth.
		-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"

GURU:
	A person in T-shirt and sandals who took an elevator ride with
	a senior vice-president and is ultimately responsible for the
	phone call you are about to receive from your boss.

Guru, n.:
	A computer owner who can read the manual.

Gyroscope, n.:
	A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to each
other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two
mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the
other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus
offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any
torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin.
		-- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary

H:	If a 'GOBLIN (HOB) waylays you,
	Slice him up before he slays you.
	Nothing makes you look a slob
	Like running from a HOB'LIN (GOB).
		-- The Roguelet's ABC

H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H. L.
Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
		-- Maxwell Bodenheim

H. L. Mencken's Law:
	Those who can -- do.
	Those who can't -- teach.

Martin's Extension:
	Those who cannot teach -- administrate.

		[No, those who can't teach, teach here.  Ed.]

Hacker, n.:
	Originally, any person with a knack for coercing stubborn inanimate
things; hence, a person with a happy knack, later contracted by the mythical
philosopher Frisbee Frobenius to the common usage, "hack."
	In olden times, upon completion of some particularly atrocious body
of coding that happened to work well, culpable programmers would gather in
a small circle around a first edition of Knuth's Best Volume I by candlelight,
and proceed to get very drunk while sporadically rending the following ditty:

		Hacker's Fight Song

		He's a Hack!  He's a Hack!
		He's a guy with the happy knack!
		Never bungles, never shirks,
		Always gets his stuff to work!

All take a drink (important!)

Hackers are just a migratory life form with a tropism for computers.