A Hen Brooding Kittens
	A friend informs us that he saw at the Novato ranch, Marin county,
a few days since, a hen actually brooding and otherwise caring for three
kittens!  The gentleman upon whose premises this strange event is transpiring
says the hen adopted the kittens when they were but a few days old, and that
she has devoted them her undivided care for several weeks past.  The young
felines are now of respectable size, but they nevertheless follow the hen at
her cluckings, and are regularly brooded at night beneath her wings.
		-- Sacramento Daily Union, July 2, 1861

A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman.  Imagine if on top
of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.
		-- Adolf Hitler

A holding company is a thing where you hand
an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

A Hollywood producer calls a friend, another producer on the phone.
	"Hello?" his friend answers.
	"Hi!" says the man.  "This is Bob, how are you doing?"
	"Oh," says the friend, "I'm doing great!  I just sold a screenplay
for two hundred thousand dollars.  I've started a novel adaptation and the
studio advanced me fifty thousand dollars on it.  I also have a television
series coming on next week, and everyone says it's going to be a big hit!
I'm doing *great*!  How are you?"
	"Okay," says the producer, "give me a call when he leaves."

A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?

A horse!  A horse!  My kingdom for a horse!
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"

A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong!

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The
Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
		-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
		-- Helen Rowland

A hypocrite is a person who ... but who isn't?
		-- Don Marquis

A hypothetical paradox:
	What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team,
who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial
Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?
		-- Tom Galloway

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie, embedded in ice, X is for Xerxes, devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
		-- Edward Gorey, "The Gashlycrumb Tinies"

A is for Apple.
		-- Hester Pryne

A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and
B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
C is for cc, as hackers recall, while
D is for dd, the command that does all.
E is for emacs, which rebinds your keys, and
F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees.
G is for grep, a clever detective, while
H is for halt, which may seem defective.
I is for indent, which rarely amuses, and
J is for join, which nobody uses.
K is for kill, which makes you the boss, while
L is for lex, which is missing from DOS.
M is for more, from which less was begot, and
N is for nice, which it really is not.
O is for od, which prints out things nice, while
P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice.
Q is for quota, a Berkeley-type fable, and
R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table.
S is for spell, which attempts to belittle, while
T is for true, which does very little.
U is for uniq, which is used after sort, and
V is for vi, which is hard to abort.
W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while
X is, well, X, of dubious fame.
Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and
Z is for zcat, which handles compression.
		-- THE ABC'S OF UNIX

A joint is just tea for two.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Sam.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
		-- Lao Tsu

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.
		-- Lao Tsu

A jug of wine, a bowl of rice with it;
Earthen vessels
Simply handed in through the window.
There is certainly no blame in this.