A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.

A stunning blonde, but probably all bean dip above the eyebrows.

A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
undreamed of by its author.
		-- S. C. Johnson

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
		-- Burt Bacharach

A system admin's life is a sorry one.  The only advantage he has over
Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare.  On the
other hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients installing
new versions of their own innards!
		-- Michael O'Brien

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
	-- by Charles Dickens

	A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.

The Metamorphosis LITE(tm)
	-- by Franz Kafka

	A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.

Lord of the Rings LITE(tm)
	-- by J. R. R. Tolkien

	Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.

Hamlet LITE(tm)
	-- by William Shakespeare

	A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy
	girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
	-- by Charles Dickens

	A man in love with a girl who loves another man who looks just
	like him has his head chopped off in France because of a mean
	lady who knits.

Crime and Punishment LITE(tm)
	-- by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

	A man sends a nasty letter to a pawnbroker, but later
	feels guilty and apologizes.

The Odyssey LITE(tm)
	-- by Homer

	After working late, a valiant warrior gets lost on his way home.

A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.

A tautology is a thing which is tautological.

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
		-- Michael Winner, British film director

A Texan, impressing the hell out of a Bostonian with tales about the heroes
of the Alamo, commented, "I'll bet you never had anyone that brave around
*Boston*."
	"Ever hear of Paul Revere?", snarled the Bostonian.
	"Paul Revere?", pondered the Texan.  "Isn't he the guy who ran for
help?"

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W. H."

A timely marriage: one made before your children start nagging you about it.
		-- Diane Duane

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention,
and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

A transistor protected by a fast-acting
fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.

A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three
wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer
sitting in the yard watching the pig.
	"That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
	"Sure is, son," the farmer replied.  "Why, two years ago, my daughter
was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that
pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
	"Amazing!"  the salesman exclaimed.
	"And that's not the only thing.  Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
the north forty when a tree fell on me.  Pinned me to the ground, it did.
That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
Saved my life."
	"Fantastic!  the salesman said.  But tell me, how come the pig has
three wooden legs?"
	The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement.  "Mister, when you
got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once."

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
triangle.

A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother
drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.
		-- Shaw

A truly great man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an emperor.
		-- Benjamin Franklin

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.