"Can you be more stupid than aggravating the judge AND your lawyer?
No? Oh yes you can: You can aggravate the whole kernel community."
		-- Alexander Lyamin (about Hans Reisers murder trial)

Can you buy friendship?  You not only can, you must.  It's the
only way to obtain friends.  Everything worthwhile has a price.
		-- Robert J. Ringer

Canada Bill Jones's Motto:
	It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:
	A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.
It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.
		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post

Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"

CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
	This is a good time for those of you who are rich and happy,
	but a poor time for those of you born under this sign who are
	poor and unhappy.  To tell you the truth, any day is tough
	when you're poor and unhappy.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
	You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things
off.  That's why you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare
recipients are Cancer people.

Canonical, adj.:
	The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true story:
One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some annoyance at the use
of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as
much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in.
Finally, in one conversation, he used the word "canonical" in jargon-like
fashion without thinking.
	Steele: "Aha!  We've finally got you talking jargon too!"
	Stallman: "What did he say?"
	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."

Can't act.  Slightly bald.  Also dances.
		-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test
		   Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"

Can't open /usr/games/fortunes.  Lid stuck on cookie jar.

Can't open /usr/share/games/fortune/fortunes.dat.

Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for
the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.
		-- John Maynard Keynes

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
	Play your hunches.  This is a day when luck will play an important
	part in your life.  If you were smarter, you wouldn't need so much
	luck and you wouldn't be reading your horoscope, either.  You are
	a suspicious person, and it will occur to you that astrologers
	don't know what they're talking about any more than your Aunt Martha.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
	Follow your instincts.  You are much too scatterbrained to do anything
	else, such as think.  Romance is in the air, but not for you, so forget
	it.  That pimple on the end of your nose will get worse.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do
	much of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn
	of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for
	too long as they tend to take root and become trees.

Captain Penny's Law:
	You can fool all of the people some of the time, and
	some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.

Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5...

Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.
Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected,
mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it
takes.

Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
trousers that don't match.

Carney's Law: There's at least a 50-50 chance that someone will print
the name Craney incorrectly.
		-- Jim Canrey