Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who
will get the blame.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Democracy is also a form of worship.
It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
		-- H. L. Mencken

Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.
		-- Jawaharlal Nehru

Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
		-- Arman de Caillavet, 1913

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half
of the people are right more than half of the time.
		-- E. B. White

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and
deserve to get it good and hard.
		-- H. L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916

Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other
forms that have been tried from time to time.
		-- Winston Churchill

Democracy, n.:
	A government of the masses.  Authority derived through mass meeting
or any other form of direct expression.  Results in mobocracy.  Attitude
toward property is communistic... negating property rights.  Attitude toward
law is that the will of the majority shall regulate, whether it is based
upon deliberation or governed by passion, prejudice, and impulse, without
restraint or regard to consequences.  Result is demagogism, license,
agitation, discontent, anarchy.
		-- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
		   since withdrawn.

Democracy, n.:
	In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
		-- Gerald Barry

The difference between a Democracy and a Dictatorship is that in a
Democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a Dictatorship
you don't have to waste your time voting.
		-- Charles Bukowski

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA.
The remainder is thrown out.

Republicans usually wear hats and almost always clean their paint brushes.

Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper.
Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.

Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car
windows by Democrats.
		-- Paul Dickson, "The Official Rules"

Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
board.  Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.

Dental health is next to mental health.

Dentist, n.:
	A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth,
	pulls coins out of one's pockets.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Denver, n.:
	A smallish city located just below the "O" in Colorado.

Depart in pieces, i.e., split.

Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.

Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will,
but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.
		-- R. E. Shay

Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.

Der Horizont vieler Menschen ist ein Kreis mit Radius Null -
und das nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.