I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lips,
I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips,
My joy would be complete, dear, if you were only here,
But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir.

The night you died I cut it off, I really don't know why,
For now each time I kiss it I get bloodstains on my tie,
I'm sorry now I killed you, our love was something fine,
So until they come to get me I will hold your hand in mine.

		-- Tom Lehrer, "I Hold Your Hand In Mine"

I hope you're not pretending to be evil while
secretly being good.  That would be dishonest.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?
		-- Raoul Duke

I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke.
I think I saw God.
		-- B. Hathrume Duk

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels].
He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial
and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I
ever needed one.  Needless to say, I readily agreed.
		-- Thomas King Forcade, publisher of "High Times"

I just got out of the hospital after a
speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark.
		-- Steven Wright

I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field.
		-- Casey Stengel

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
		-- Bill Hoest

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
I haven't had time for tobacco since.
		-- Arturo Toscanini

I knew her before she was a virgin.
		-- Oscar Levant, on Doris Day

I *knew* I had some reason for not logging you off...
If I could just remember what it was.

I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better
take one along that worked.
		-- Raymond Chandler

I know if you been talkin' you done said
just how surprised you wuz by the living dead.
You wuz surprised that they could understand you words
and never respond once to all the truth they heard.
But don't you get square!
There ain't no rule that says they got to care.
They can always swear they're deaf, dumb and blind.

I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.

I know not how I came into this,
shall I call it a dying life or a living death?
		-- St. Augustine

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
		-- Albert Einstein

I know on which side my bread is buttered.
		-- John Heywood

I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
		-- Charles Schulz

I know the disposition of women: when you will, they won't; when
you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.
		-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)

I know what "custody" [of the children] means.  "Get even."  That's all
custody means.  Get even with your old lady.
		-- Lenny Bruce