I was the best I ever had.
		-- Woody Allen

I was toilet-trained at gunpoint.
		-- Billy Braver

I was working on a case.  It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a
desk.  Then I saw her.  This tall blond lady.  She must have been tall
because I was on the third floor.  She rolled her deep blue eyes towards
me.  I picked them up and rolled them back.  We kissed.  She screamed.  I
took the cigarette from my mouth and kissed her again.

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
		-- Chico Marx

I watch television because you don't know what it will do if you leave it
in the room alone.

I went home with a waitress,
The way I always do.
How I was I to know?
She was with the Russians too.

I was gambling in Havana,
I took a little risk.
Send lawyers, guns, and money,
Dad, get me out of this.
		-- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"

I went into a general store ... they wouldn't sell me anything specific.
		-- Steven Wright

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it.
If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it.
It's the truth.
		-- Charlie Chaplin

I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained it to
expose its weaknesses.  I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for
stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold.  I ran it assuming
the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be absent -- not because I wanted
to know the answer, but because I had developed an intuitive feel for the
answer in this particular case.  Finally I got a run in which the computer
showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero.  I had found
an error.  I chased down the error and fixed it.  Now I had improved the
program to the point where it would not run at all.
		-- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star:
		   Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars"

I went over to my friend, he was eatin' a pickle.
I said "Hi, what's happenin'?"
He said "Nothin'."
Try to sing this song with that kind of enthusiasm;
As if you just squashed a cop.
		-- Arlo Guthrie, "Motorcycle Song"

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours.
Great song.
		-- Fred Reuss

I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
questions, I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?

He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
for him then.
		-- Steven Wright

I went to my first computer conference at the New York Hilton about 20
years ago.  When somebody there predicted the market for microprocessors
would eventually be in the millions, someone else said, "Where are they
all going to go? It's not like you need a computer in every doorknob!"

Years later, I went back to the same hotel.  I noticed the room keys had
been replaced by electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors.

There was a computer in every doorknob.
		-- Danny Hillis

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life.
I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career
of a robber.
		-- Tiburcio Vasquez

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
included.
		-- Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums.
		-- Steven Wright

I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
it took seven others to beat him!

I will always love the false image I had of you.

I will follow the good side right to the fire,
but not into it if I can help it.
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the
year.  I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.  The
Spirits of all Three shall strive within me.  I will not shut out
the lessons that they teach.  Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the
writing on this stone!
		-- Charles Dickens